Memoirs – Losing Love

•2009/12/14 • Leave a Comment

Today I started to really think about the situation with some clarity, this relationship I am in. The fact that I am here and the plan that I travel back to California to stay a couple of months and get my affairs in order, then return to Ohio to stay for awhile. Seemed sound and fair, in the first conversations about that distinct set of possibilities, all was good until we started getting more involved in the plans for the future. The chance of me coming here to stay in Cincinnati, and marriage and all the storybook, once upon a times and the happily ever afters you could possibly ask for in an ideal world.

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Reflecting On Past Lessons ~ Today For The Future

•2009/08/03 • Leave a Comment

Remembering Those Once Loved – And Honoring them by Understanding the lessons learned, through the heartbreak and the pain. In Appreciation I share the lessons I learned with you.
02.08.2009 16:21

A True Story … though the names have been changed to protect those who were a part of my experience but should not be put in such a context. As even though I am hurt I can only be appreciative of what I gained through the loss, a better understanding of how to be a better person.

To speak on more of what seems to be lost as a result of to much time and trying to hard to get things in order. As it seems at this point even Sonja has decided to just accept the fact that she is to be married to Rawn, not for love but as obedience to her father on September 30th. To marry because it was arranged with her father when things were on rocky ground with me. When things were falling apart with Lynna when things seemed to be going well with Melinta until they each found out about the other. Even when I said I loved them each equally I should of known that really since she does not see me as a Muslim there is only one girl to be in my life. Though it would be different if I chose to Convert To Islam and become more of what I am not. Simply because I want to have more then one wife, or perhaps I just want many different girls in my life from different backgrounds to live a well rounded life and in that to become a more aware individual. Or is it simply that I think more with my dick sometimes then my head … always about the sex but nothing more then that. Certainly it is something that requires further conciseness which will later be explored separately. This of course will be spoke about at a later time in another moment probably not far from this one.

Are any of these girls worth it? Even Soo-B the one I thought there was some sort of stability some sort of thing that would outlast the challenges now. What a fool it would seem I was, as she married in spite of her supposed dedication to me. And yet to often we reconnect for a bit then the same occurs, where first there is conversation and later only silence. Perhaps the lesson needs to be learned that it is more true when you meet a person face to face first then Word to Word online. Each time I thought things were looking up suddenly they just changed as quickly. Even Lucinda, one who I cared so much for, was not even going to tell me she was coming To California, even with the awareness of the time we spent together. Had I not communicated that day, I would never of known what happened to her or what had changed. And of course true to form she is now married to someone she met face to face, who according to her, helped. When she was sick, and offered health care to make sure she would be well. She married him not long after and now has a beautiful daughter from him, with an American Citizenship (Perhaps her only true objective) to boot and today it is the same we rarely communicate, just as so many other girls have resulted the same. Failed relationships the whole lot of them at least for me but not for their husbands, or boyfriends today. Sometime it seems I am destined only for a lonely life, the one of a bachelor for so many years. An individual writer who speaks to the world in the only tongue he knows, the one that was found through many experiences both good and the bad. Yet I am not one who speaks of fate or a preset objective of some super plan, no I am a person who understands that the choices are my own and the future I can decide by doing what is on my mind at the time. To Focus Forward, as I often speak at because I understand that really you must experience life, not just exist and never make any difference, or take any risk for a better return. Better to make the most of the time you have, to insure that Dash means more then simply a symbol of time that passes.

Like a country song, a life where a man can focus on his work, on getting things done, even if it is a lonely life in the end, at the very least can make up his own mind and do what he needs to do, to find himself well off for the later years. Those later years which in themselves could also be of sadness, of loneliness because could never really find one who could be the one for him. Perhaps the saying could relate that there is always time for love, but for a person to make a decision to spend their life with another, that is a whole other challenge. As with any challenge it can be overcome but it is no easy process, when old habits resurface, when love is spoken but not really meant if it can be turned off at the flip of a switch. That is not really love and as I look at it, all these girls from my past, seemed to be only a fancy at the time because how can I love someone if I have never spent time with them off the computer in a face to face experience, so how can such things be known if the person on the other end of the internet could be anyone or anything? Rarely does a country song have a happy ending but it is more of an example of the life sometimes seemed to experience the brutal reality of taking one step forward and two steps back, a losing proposition unless you make the quality decision to change no matter how difficult it may be.

More lessons learned perhaps as a result of loss, of not making the choice then to make a change while understanding if I want to garner different results, there is a prerequisite of different approaches. That there needs to be change as it has been said;

If you keep doing what you always done, you will always get what you always got.

Something needs to give, change has to become the habit that is formed in your 21 Day Journey to change through consistently different approaches to the same situations to figure out which one works, yet still improve as people evolve and so do experiences. A constant process of evolution, of enhancement to continually learn how best to bring about the results you really seek not just the ones you have always found.

However difficult these lessons continue to be it is necessary to do all you can to overcome to bring about your own interpretation of abundance by grasping change, by taking a risk to step outside your comfort zone to form new habits that will bring about improved results.

In that I am thankful and even though those who are related to in this post, there is still a place for them in my memory, and to care for another can last a lifetime even if the context of it becomes different. For the lessons I learned through the up and down times of relationships I can only be eternally grateful as each adversity that is faced can always open up the awareness to another way to a different change. With that I close this Reflection, and grasp the present as the doorway to the future.

Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage?

•2009/07/18 • 2 Comments

…how many marriages may of been saved had they experienced living in the same house first. Instead of finding out when they are already committed that they are just not compatible living together…

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And Share your thoughts in the comments down below I would be interested to hear your view on this matter.

Love Lost to Tradition ~ Lesson Learned

•2009/07/08 • 5 Comments

Well there is good news and there is bad news, as this journey may just be beginning, but I realize a few things, after the tough lessons learned through relationships one in particular strikes me deep in my heart on this day, at this beginning of a new blog and a new journey to exploring what is love and the lessons it will often teach whether you want to be taught or not. We often do not have a choice to learn or not to learn when it comes to love, because if you do not learn in the first place you most certainly will learn in the second and the third. Love is harsh, difficult and often an enigma as how can you truly explain a feeling? Is it possible to logicially define love? Well these are all valid questions and perhaps in this blog I will have the opportunity to explore each in it’s own post but only time will tell.

To start this blog off on the right foot I figured, after the experience I had just this day, not a very long time ago, really only hours ago when a series of events came to their logical conclusion, of finding out what I figured was going on. Something that I thought to be happening, when one girl I have known for years suddenly just stopped communicating, and had been at this point with her previously, the result of a major change in life and choice.

As you could probably guess, that was exactly why there was silence now, between her and I, because she had finally told me that it “we” could not and would not work out. Honestly I knew it was coming as she was the victim of an arranged marriage, of a man of a common mind as her father who also followed the same belief system. I thought there might be a chance so we started communicating regularly for awhile, but I hate to say it I already knew what was to come about but instead of giving up before I started I kept on to experience it to the very end. An arranged marriage, a last chance ditch effort to see if she could make her own choice as to who she would want in her life. We both had hopes it would be me and her I, but honestly it was not meant to be. Now I am not one to talk about fate, or of pre arranged events that there is no control over. Instead I am a person who believes the choice is really your own, you and the person in the mirror need to reach a consensus, about what it will become or not become.

The difference here was I knew it was not to be, anytime a father in that culture, Islam,  tells his daughter she is to marry it is a far reach to try and change his mind, to give her back the right to choose who she spends her life with. Even if the life she chooses is of two people of very different belief systems, trying to co exist with love as the binding point, the one thing that keeps two very different people together, hopefully for life but the future is of course unknown and is only a result of the choices made now in this moment. The only thing we as people can count on is the present, as that is the one thing we can work with now.

The point being, that even though I knew there was very little chance of changing his mind about his daughter I figured it could not hurt to take the chance, to do what I can to help him understand his daughter should have her own choice, to make her own decision but perhaps it is just how things are in a Third World Country such as Indonesia, where she was from, a child of a belief system where the father makes the choices, the daughter has none, where perhaps the daughter can only do what her parents expect. It is a sad story but it seems sometimes it is a constant in such a closed society. It is not fair to the girls of that belief system but then again in that same system they really have no rights, certainly people are trying to make change, but it is never easy to shake up a deeply ingrained belief system.

Though things seemed to be going well, there seemed to be a slight glimmer of hope, but as with everything sometimes a slight glimmer can very easily be put out, when a parent is in control of the child, for the better or the worst I guess. I can honestly say I tried, and I did what I could, but perhaps it was just not enough, so the lesson learned in this experience was one where deeply ingrained traditions in closed societies are very difficult to change, to make any sort of wave. As a result on this day, just a few hours ago, I was told by her;

i miss u, i we can not be together..hopefully we re still close…

and with that I had to let her go, to let her live the life her father had chosen for her for better or worst till death do us part. Another chapter ends, a relationship that never worked out, and a harsh lesson that often love presents to whomever is experiencing it.